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LGBTQIA: One. Fred: Nil

Last night, while watching QandGay, there was a moment where i felt my future career come crashing down around my ears. It was the moment that the Reverend Fred Nile explained to the audience that 'promoting homosexuality' in schools is actually dangerous. It shocked me to my very core. You see, ever since i officially became A Gay, i had planned to one day start my very own Homosexual Promotion company, specifically to target high school aged children. I had even gone so far to imagine the life of luxury i would one day be living. A life full of bubble baths, bath bombs, soap, and other luxurious things. And it would all be because, as everyone knows, turning people gay is so lucrative. But it wouldn't have all been about money for me. It couldn't be. 

As a child, as soon as I received that letter stating that I had been accepted into Hogwarts, i mean Homosexuality, i knew that one of my main tasks ahead would be to learn how to promote sexuality, and how to turn as many people queer as possible. It would bring with it a deep and satisfying emotional satisfaction knowing that i had the power to lead people away from a life of heterosexuality. A chance to save so many. And i was on my way. But now, i had heard Fred's wise words. Below are some of the things he said in response to a question about how to address bigotry and violence towards homosexuals in schools. He is in bold, my response to him is in italics.

"My observation is that teenagers are going through sexual development. And it can be quite dangerous, i think, to promote homosexuality in schools"

Please tell us more about your observations, Mr Nile. What else have you observed about teenagers, as you disguise yourself as a pot plant in the corner of our nation's classrooms? As you dress as a nun and integrate yourself into a school, like in your favourite movie Sister Act 2? Did you know that it is only rated 7% on Rotten Tomatoes, how can you believe in a God that would allow that travesty to happen? 

I think you are confused about the phrase 'promoting homosexuality' . Simply teaching kids about the existence of homosexual people or transgender people is not 'promoting' it. Making them aware that some people they know and will meet in life will not all be like them is not 'promoting' it. What it WILL promote is the idea that those people should just be treated like anyone else. What it WILL promote is a feeling of acceptance in those kids sitting there who do feel different. I knew literally zero gay people when i was young. It wasn't a subject that was ever discussed, except maybe in negative terms. I had no representation of it to learn from, i had nobody teaching me about its existence. I had no sex education covering non-heterosexual sex. And yet, when i was around twelve, i knew i was different in that way. I had no vocabulary to even explain it. The only thing 'promoting homosexuality' would have done was to make me feel okay about myself, and make my life less painful to live. 

"Boys often, as they're going through ... puberty, don't want to be with girls. They want to be with boys and that's how God planned it," 

Written down, this sentence really sounds like you are saying all boys going through puberty are gay. Which, let's be honest, would be far more ideal than the current situation. Perhaps there would be less Lynx Body Spray on buses. But i know that's not what you meant, so let's continue.

"If you get hold of that boy at that stage when he's only 14 or 15 and say 'do you like to be with girls?' [and he responds] 'yuck, I can't stand girls', [the implication is] 'well, you're really a homosexual'.

First of all, i think you might be mixing up 10 year olds with 15 year olds. I don't know many 15 year old boys who are still in the stage where they think girls are yucky and are worried about germs. There are probably lots of 15 year old boys have already discovered what kind of porn they like best. 

Secondly, who are these people replying 'well you must be a homosexual' to boys who say that girls are yucky? What kind of schools are you hiding in Fredrick. 

"[The boy might ask] 'Am I?' [and would be told] 'yes, yes'.

So in this scenario that Fred envisions, a teenage boy has said 'girls suck' and someone, Possibly A Homosexual Promoter, has replied 'well you are probably gay then' and the boy says 'am i?' and the Homosexual Promoter says 'Yes' and the boy says 'okay then, i guess that's right. Where is my ipod full of Cher songs'. 

I honestly can't think of a more realistic scenario. This just rings true. 

"I'm saying you can confuse boys and girls at that sensitive age when they're still developing sexually," Mr Nile responded.

The time where you are developing sexually and going through puberty IS confusing. Why is that hair there? Why do i have blood leaking from me? What do i do about this constant boner, do i spray Lynx Body Spray on it? 

Making sure that kids at this stage know that whatever is happening within them is normal and okay is promoting nothing but good mental health and well-adjusted future adults. Heterosexuality is constantly promoted as ideal in just about every facet of life, and yet, non-heterosexuals continue to be born. Informing kids about homosexuality and all kinds of safe sex and other related things is not going to make the straight kids gay. It is only going to help make the queer kids be okay. Pretending this reality doesn't exist or is a bad thing is a ship that has already sailed and we are all waving goodbye to people like Fred from our Oceanliner of Tolerant Gloriousness, as they sit on the dock, sadly muttering about gay people.

Look, I have come around on this since i began writing. I now believe that promoting homosexuality is still my future, and my career path. I believe everyone will benefit from my business, including straight kids. Who doesn't want to be a person who is open to being loved, and to love? What heterosexual person's life wouldn't be enhanced by the presence of someone like me, a Homosexual.

Watching Fred Nile last night, and listening to his words, was certainly an experience. With every sentence, he made my conservative grandmother seem impossibly young and hip. His guise of 'hating the sin, not the sinner' was as transparent as the television show, Transparent. That his response to a question about stopping homophobia and violent bullying was to say that homosexuality shouldn't be promoted in schools is telling. If he cared about what happens to queer kids in our schools, he would stop saying homophobic things in public. He would stop emphasising their differences, and saying that they are sick, or wrong. 

But in the end, his mind will never be changed. He will never come around. But at this point, we just have to wait. Young people in Australia are having none of this, and it probably won't be many years before Q&A literally wouldn't be able to find a politician with his views to appear. We're going to win this, it's only a matter of time.