Brocklesnitch

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JurraSick Sad World

The new 'Global Trailer' for Jurassic World is out! I am really excited for this one, so i've done a trailer breakdown for you. 
  We open on an island with some sort of structure built on it. 

 

We open on an island with some sort of structure built on it. 

  Inside the structure is a man wearing a vest. I think he is the island's horse whisperer, as he looks to be trying to calm two thoroughbred horses. 

 

Inside the structure is a man wearing a vest. I think he is the island's horse whisperer, as he looks to be trying to calm two thoroughbred horses. 

  We see the man's face. His eyes and lips look beautiful, i think he is using Loreal's intuitive makeup app. Perhaps the 'classic look' setting. 

 

We see the man's face. His eyes and lips look beautiful, i think he is using Loreal's intuitive makeup app. Perhaps the 'classic look' setting. 

  He is going to have a very tough time training this horse, it is NOT happy. 

 

He is going to have a very tough time training this horse, it is NOT happy. 

  Suddenly, the group of horses realises the Horse Whisperer is wearing a brand new Apple Watch, and they want it. And who wouldn't, am i right everyone?

 

Suddenly, the group of horses realises the Horse Whisperer is wearing a brand new Apple Watch, and they want it. And who wouldn't, am i right everyone?

  We jump to the next shot, and we can't tell if he still has his watch. However, we can now tell where his chest hair starts, AND that he loves a game of Tree Golf. 

 

We jump to the next shot, and we can't tell if he still has his watch. However, we can now tell where his chest hair starts, AND that he loves a game of Tree Golf. 

  He DOES get his watch back, and just in time to do his daily prayer worship to the future world's most popular deity; Beige Caped Gillian Anderson (BCGA)

 

He DOES get his watch back, and just in time to do his daily prayer worship to the future world's most popular deity; Beige Caped Gillian Anderson (BCGA)

  Tourists flock to the island where BCGA lives, in the hopes of seeing her emerge from her vulva-shaped mansion

 

Tourists flock to the island where BCGA lives, in the hopes of seeing her emerge from her vulva-shaped mansion

  The trailer really starts to get my goat at this point 

 

The trailer really starts to get my goat at this point 

  You could think this scene is an indictment on society and viewing things through a lens instead of experiencing it, but it is actually to show us these two people are awful villains who are using tablets to take photos

 

You could think this scene is an indictment on society and viewing things through a lens instead of experiencing it, but it is actually to show us these two people are awful villains who are using tablets to take photos

  The island can also be hired out for corporate events, such as in this scene, where the Slanket Corporation are having their team-building day. 

 

The island can also be hired out for corporate events, such as in this scene, where the Slanket Corporation are having their team-building day. 

  The island is also popular because the arcade has a fun new Whack-a-Mole game

 

The island is also popular because the arcade has a fun new Whack-a-Mole game

  The island is also very safe, because if any crimes are committed on the island they are considered especially heinous and the dedicated detectives who investigate them are members of an elite squad known as the Special Island Victims Unit 

 

The island is also very safe, because if any crimes are committed on the island they are considered especially heinous and the dedicated detectives who investigate them are members of an elite squad known as the Special Island Victims Unit 

  Will BCGA be arrested for her heinous crime of matching car colour to clothes colour? or using her phone while driving? 

 

Will BCGA be arrested for her heinous crime of matching car colour to clothes colour? or using her phone while driving? 

  Confused Mark Ruffalo is confused 

 

Confused Mark Ruffalo is confused 

  The Black Friday sale on the Island is intense

 

The Black Friday sale on the Island is intense

  More people get Apple Watches at the Black Friday sales, paying the cost as well as some of their own blood

 

More people get Apple Watches at the Black Friday sales, paying the cost as well as some of their own blood

  Bless you. Allergies can get bad on the island. 

 

Bless you. Allergies can get bad on the island. 

  Oh gosh, some of the horses have been killed. 

 

Oh gosh, some of the horses have been killed. 

  And they're off!! Even though some of the horses have been killed mysteriously, they still hold the big Cup race. 

 

And they're off!! Even though some of the horses have been killed mysteriously, they still hold the big Cup race. 

  The Horse Whisperer tries to join the race on his motorbike!! That's cheating! Where is the SIVU?? He still loses, so it is irrelevant.

 

The Horse Whisperer tries to join the race on his motorbike!! That's cheating! Where is the SIVU?? He still loses, so it is irrelevant.

  The organiser of the race on the island is livid. He demands the Horse Whisperer be fired.

 

The organiser of the race on the island is livid. He demands the Horse Whisperer be fired.

  He's fired

 

He's fired

  The Horse Whisperer has trained the horses so well that some of them have jobs. These ones are lawyers. Ambulance chasers, yes. but still pretty impressive. 

 

The Horse Whisperer has trained the horses so well that some of them have jobs. These ones are lawyers. Ambulance chasers, yes. but still pretty impressive. 

  It turns out that Batman has become evil and is the one who has been killing the horses. In this scene he has turned up with his crew and has stolen this woman who was just trying to buy an Apple Watch. Worth it though, am i right everyone?

 

It turns out that Batman has become evil and is the one who has been killing the horses. In this scene he has turned up with his crew and has stolen this woman who was just trying to buy an Apple Watch. Worth it though, am i right everyone?

  Batman is caught and killed by this trained Seahorse. Order is restored

 

Batman is caught and killed by this trained Seahorse. Order is restored

Can't wait for this one!!