Write. Blog. Tweet. Joke. Podcast.

Magic Mike II: Even Magicker

The trailer has just been released for the sequel to Magic MIke. I watched the trailer, and have broken it down for you. Enjoy. 

We open on a house. It's big house, big like Magic Mike's penis, i imagine. It's raining and wet. Wet like Magic Mike makes the ladies, probably. There's a small moving-truck and a pick-up truck parked outside. Men live here. Men who work with their hands, and have smooth hairless buns.

We enter the house. There is Mike, bent over, doing a welding. He is surrounded by holes. Holes, all over the place. On the walls, on the floor. What is this a metaphor for, i guess we will never know. He is practicing good OH&S by wearing a welding mask and gloves. However, his arms are bare, in order for us to see his muscles. Not good Occupation Health & Safety, but VERY good Oh Hot & Sensuous. 

He stops welding and raises his head, as the first notes of Ginuwine's 'Pony' play. It seems as though he is hearing the music, but i don't think this is possible. Is it some kind of stroke? Is he hearing Pony instead of smelling burnt toast? Perhaps, it is magic. 

In the next scene he is welding with his dick. Pony is still playing. This is the highest level of welding a person can achieve. His every hip thrust throws off literal sparks. He is doing it. He is welding with his dick. Amazing. 

He takes off his mask, job done. A self-satisfied look on his face. Another day's work of dick-welding complete. Now he can have some fun.

He sits down awkwardly. I think his back is sore from dick-welding, it can be brutal. That's why dick-welders always have short careers. He is surrounded by more holes, and drawings of things. Probably sketches of holes. 

He tries to check the time on his watch, but forgets how. 

He tries to fly away, but can't. 

He is mad about not being able to fly, so he tries to kick a bucket. 

To calm down, he reads some travel pamphlets that are on his desk. The beach would be nice this time of year. 

He goes to the beach. 

He drives around with his best friends. The only rule to being in their friendship group is that you have to wear bad sunglasses or a bad hat. 

A guy falls from the roof and all the money in his pockets falls out. 

They go to a taping of Ellen, and participate in one of her zany games to try and win Super Bowl tickets. They don't.

A cut scene from American Psycho. 

In this future women can run as fast as motorbikes, so they have to wear helmets.

A man spills some Pepsi. The store has everything you need to go fishing. Pepsi, Pepsi Light, water, motor oil, fishing rods, and one fan. 

This woman discovers a love for playing Tunnel Ball 

After tunnel ball, they play the 'Mirror Image' game, and these two just can't be beaten. 

There is a wrestling match, the woman in blue on the left has put $100 on the man in the fedora to win. The woman on the right is shouting 'cute dress, where did you get it?!' 

The friends finally fulfil their dream of becoming models for Diamante Belts! 

She laughs at him as he walks away because he is a grown up wearing a backwards cap to what appears to be a high tea of some sort. 

The End.