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'T(ony)was the Night Before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,

not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

Except of a course the women, they were already awake,

They couldn’t sleep, they were too excited about getting to bake!


The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

also the women were still wearing stockings, their legs shouldn’t be bare.

The children were nestled all snug in their bedding,

their mothers watching over them, hoping for the girls a nice future wedding.


I looked out at my lawn covered in dead grass from the weather and drought.

I wondered to myself ‘climate change doesn’t exist, so what’s that about?’

When suddenly out on the lawn, there arose such a clatter,

that for a second I was terrified that it was the glass ceiling I heard shatter!


But instead there was a sleigh and eight beautiful reindeer,

and I wanted to cry, but someone might think I was queer.

The driver of the sleigh was so bearded and lively and quick,

that I knew it must be him; yes it’s God! No wait it's just St. Nick.


Down the chimney came Santa, he seemed all argy-bargy,

and I told him to quiet, I didn’t want him to wake Margie.

He tapped his nose, and we exchanged hearty laughs,

and he said my present would be that this year I would only say 150 gaffes.


He asked what to give Australian women; and I didn’t want to fudge-it,

So I said that all women are concerned with the household budget.

We put our heads together to think of the perfect thing to bestow,

And decided upon an iron, and a monthly tax on their menstrual flow.  


Merry Christmas Everyone.