Brocklesnitch

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Attack of the gays

Hello there friends! And people who are very bored or perhaps are at computers that won’t open other websites for whatever reason! I know there has been a lot of news over the past few days, what with the discovery that Kate Middleton has breasts and that Mitt Romney is a giant boob, so you might have missed that there has been debate in parliament regarding the same-sex marriage bill that will be voted on in this week.  There is a lot of serious writing by much smarter people than I about this issue, but my pointy lesbian ears (that’s a quick way to identify any lesbians in a crowd, look for pointy ears) were drawn towards some hilarious/ridiculous/homophobic/weird remarks made during the debate by a certain Senator Boswell that I wanted to quickly comment on.  Now, I know it’s hard to believe, but the Senator making homophobic and out-dated comment is from the NATIONAL party in QUEENSLAND.  Can you believe it?  I mean, what is someone from the progressive and awesome National party in Queensland doing saying things like that!?




Anyway, kindly Mr Boswell had some quiet reservations about the idea of same-sex marriage, saying ‘I cannot imagine a more severe attack on the family than undermining marriage’ and right there he lost me because hasn’t he seen that ‘The Strangers’ movie where those strangers attack that family? Well by ‘family’ I mean the beautiful Liv Tyler and one of the guys Felicity was choosing between, but still. Also hasn’t he heard of this thing called ‘divorce’ because some would say that is undermining marriage a bit?  But by far my favourite quote from Senator Boswell was regarding his idea that all children should have a mother and a father.  He said, “Two mothers or two fathers cannot raise a child properly. Who takes a boy to football? How does he go camping and fishing?” 


Even Oprah and Gayle go fishing and they aren't even lesbians!

Now, I know you expect me to disagree with Mr Boswell on this issue, but I actually can’t.  He has obviously done some solid research on this issue.  He has been out and about in gay communities discovering what gay people can and cannot do.  He has come to the correct conclusion. Everyone knows that all lesbians HATE football and outdoor activities!!!  The amount of times I have never watched a football game and never talked to my lesbian friends about football is literally in the millions!  So I thought before the next stage of the debate I would just make a handy list of other things that lesbians hate to help out Senator Boswell. 

Cats

Holding a cat, so obviously not a lesbian


Oh my god, lesbians HATE cats.  They hate talking about cats, volunteering at pet shelters, taking photos of cats. Just everything about cats makes lesbians skin crawl.  I don’t know ANY lesbians who own a cat, and none that I know would be caught dead owning a cat. Certainly if they DID own a cat, we wouldn't be friends.


Tegan and Sara

Gross

If you did a poll of lesbians asking them who they hate most out of all people in the world, it would probably be Tegan and Sara.  Everyone knows that lesbians hate cute rock chicks with tattoos, ESPECIALLY if they are twins and also lesbians!  I nearly didn’t make it through this article without vomiting. They just disgust me.


Women

Now this is a big one, Mr Boswell. You should probably write this one down for your next list.  Lesbians DESPISE women.  If they could go the rest of their lives without ever coming across another one, they definitely would.  They especially hate attractive, strong and funny women.  But most of all they hate female actresses who play lesbians.  Nothing drives them crazier and not in a good way, like the image below!

What a charisma combo!

Groups of lesbians definitely are NOT incredibly loyal forever to ladies who ‘play gay’ and there is definitely not something called ‘Rizzlescon’ which is a convention of Rizzoli and Isles (mostly lesbian) fans. 

AND THERE IS ONLY IMPLIED LEZZY FEELINGS!


 Anyway, that is a short and sweet list of things that the Senator can use for his upcoming nonsensical rantings to prove why same-sex couples can’t raise children and therefore shouldn’t get married. Because as everyone knows all straight couples who get married have children, raise them perfectly and the dads always take them fishing and camping and then they play catch in the yard and the dad is an architect and they have a housekeeper named Alice.